Schapelle Corby to Marry Matthew Newton

Convicted drug mule Schapelle Corby will marry celebrity offspring Matthew Newton no matter the outcome of her parole hearing, sister Mercedes told The Asia Beat. “The pre-nup is the only sticking point. I’m getting a random Indonesian lawyer to draw it up. It should be fine.”
Bert and Patti, Newton’s star parents were said to be overjoyed. “He just needs some stability, and Schapelle can give him that,” said Patti. “How much more stable can you get than a 20 year prison sentence? He feels like he’s coming home when he visits her. I had the same comforting sense of reliability with Bert for decades. I always knew where he was – at the casino with my purse.”
“We are just glad that he’s getting his sense of humour back,” said Bert Newton. “Matthew was joking that he could really relax and take it easy with Schapelle – the guards do all the beatings. He has a wicked sense of humour. I think it has a lot to do with hanging round with Don Lane on set when he was a boy.”

9 thoughts on “Schapelle Corby to Marry Matthew Newton

  1. Pingback: WW 203 The Deefoc Inheritance – The Bento Ascendency | The Worst of Perth

  2. Kaz Cook

    Are you some kind of sick and twisted animal? Who writes this shit? Making fun of an innocent, mentally ill woman who is about to start her 10th year for a crime the Australian government know she did not commit. It has all been proven via 100’s of freedom of information documents from within the Australian government it self. Watch the Doco here then search the site for the FOI documents it cannot be denied!

  3. Kaz Cook

    Why don’t you print what the Expendable Project exposes? How a government wilfully withheld vital evidence from a court of law, deceived its public, orchestrated an unprecedented media campaign, and ruthlessly deployed its organs of state against one of its own citizens.

    This is a frightening but entirely true narrative; a grotesque political horror story which is still unfolding today. It exposes what happens when an individual’s human rights conflict with strategic political need. It reveals the ruthless use of a government’s organs of state, and a regime of unprecedented opinion management, against a single working class woman and her desperate family.

    It presents, and demonstrates, the crushing, pre-meditated, and often brutal acts which a western government is prepared to inflict upon a helpless citizen, in pursuit of political expediency.


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