KL. Dozens of Malaysian actors on standby for The MH 370 Air Crash Investigators episode, protested outside of The Malaysian Airlines head office. “We fully understand,” said Yayasan Artis 1 Malaysia (Malaysian Arts Organisation) spokesperson Datuk DJ Bob. “All these roles for veteran actors in an international production, and they’re all just waiting around. Some of them have had to turn down incontinence pad ads. Nobody’s getting paid! But they have to show patience.”
Malaysian Chinese actors who are set to play the bulk of the roles of “doomed passenger” and “worried relative” have been particularly hard hit.
Amsterdam. The male rare Malaysian crocodile involved in the vigorous mating session that killed his female partner may be sanctioned or even put down if it is determined that the female had withdrawn consent. First reports indicated that the female gavial crocodile was a “willing and enthusiastic” participant in the mating frenzy that left her cut, bleeding and ultimately dead. “We are examining the audio now,” an Amsterdam Zoo spokesperson told The Asia Beat. “We initially thought the grunting was the usual mating willingness, but other experts have interpreted them as “Get off me, you are suffocating me!”” The male gavial, which in the past has had a reputation as a “tender and generous” lover is in isolation, pending the results of the enquiry.
As political support for Malaysian ruling party plummets, insiders concede that only Anwar “Giving a man a quick one”, can stave off political collapse. Without an Anwar sodomy incident, Barisar would stuggle to win a single seat in Penang, if an election were held today. “We have men dropping the soap in the shower at his sports club, bending to tie their shoelaces in front of him when he goes out, and even sending sausages and donuts to his house,” said a frustrated Barisar aide. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I hope he’s not too old for sodomy now. That would be a disaster for us.”
Nominal Malaysian Opposition Leader Anwar Ibrahim told The Asia Beat’s KL correspondent, “If I’m convicted again, I’m definitely trying sodomy. Why not? I might as well see what all the fuss is about ah? In 20 years jail, you think Nelson Mandela didn’t give another prisoner a seeing to once in a while? Come on, you’re living in a dream world man! If UMNO wants sodomy, I’ll give them all the sodomy they can take!
The Malaysian Government has confirmed that no charges will be laid against a man who for 20 years organised secret “urination parties” to the Johore River, near to the intakes for fresh water piped to Singapore.The man named in documents as Tiang Cheng, has been leading groups of up to 50 locals to the location, just upstream from the Johore reservoir, since 1990. Mr Cheng claims to have been inspired by hearing his father exclaim “This one’s for you Lee!” while relieving himself on the riverbank in the 1970′s. “I see it as a tribute to my father,” said Mr Cheng. “He was always against Singaporean arrogance.”
Although out of respect for his father, Mr Cheng always limits his action to urination, he claimed that some members of the group “used other methods.”
Khoo Teng Chye, Chief Executive of PUB, Singapore’s national water agency,said that most Singaporeans would not be surprised to hear of the practice, but should not be alarmed, as Malaysian water had always received “extra levels” of treatment.