Tag Archives: perth

Sushi Train Wreck

Perth, Western Australia became the last jurisdiction in the world to to regulate the maximum speed of its sushi trains. A decades long fight for control between the Ministry of Transport and the Health department, has seen the city’s 80 sushi trains restricted to a plodding 0.02 kilometres per hour – sushi trains in Japan frequently exceed 25 kilometres per hour.

A spokesperson for the WA Health Department told The Asia Beat, “It’s absurd for the transport department to be involved. It’s a restaurant, not an actual train, and therefore should be under the control of Health.” Despite this, it is not certain that a move to the health portfolio would actually mean a deregulation of sushi train speeds. As late as last week the health department website was still advocating some kind of limit, albeit with a much brisker 5 kilometre per hour top speed. This is still 20kmh less that the fastest Japanese trains.

The transport minister Dean Nalder issued a statement. “Sushi trains are designated trains, and transport goods, and as such will continue to come under the transport portfolio. The government continues to support the current speed limit.”

Super Wasabi

Japan’s famous Super Wasabi “bullet” sushi train can reach speeds of 26.5 kmh.

Hot Crescent Buns face Aussie Islamophobia

A bakery in Nollamara (Perth Western Australia) has been overwhelmed with orders – and death threats after making Islamic versions if the popular Easter treat Hot Cross Buns. Head baker Adeeb, originally from Afghanistan, told The Asia Beat, “I thought it was a good way for everyone to be able to take part in the Easter spirit. Are we not all people of the book?” Despite Islamophobic Aussies making death threats against Adeeb and his Bakery (business name and address withheld) the baker is unrepentant and has sold 500 dozen, mostly online.

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Killer Sharks Follow Jet Trails

An Edith Cowan University researcher claims that killer sharks follow a “chemical superhighway” laid down by high altitude jet contrails direct to Perth and Southwest Australian beaches.

Luke Tarrant, lecturer in surfing semiotics at ECU’s Bunbury campus told the Asia Beat, “Hundreds of domestic and International flights intersect the south coast near Esperance, a notorious shark attack nexus. Planes leaving for Bali and Singapore swing out straight out over Western suburbs beaches such as Cottesloe – another notorious shark attack centre. It doesn’t take a genius to put the facts together.”
Sharks have a super sensitive detection points along their bodies and can detect the contrail residue that falls into the sea at concentrations of less than 1 part per billion.”

A spokesperson for Edith Cowan claimed that Mr Tarrant was a only a sessional (part time) academic, and that his views were not shared by those on “permanent contracts.”

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Asians offer to eat problem sharks

Western Australian Premier Colin Barnett is said to be considering an offer from an Asian seafood consortium to “find, kill and eat” dangerous sharks menacing swimmers and surfers off the coast.
With five fatal shark attacks in ten months, the government was apparently¬†“willing to try anything”.
Tony Tay, ¬†Head of 8 Add Lucky Seafood, a Singapore seafood wholesaler told The Asia Beat, “We will turn their man-eaters into eaten by man-ers.” When asked how they would find the offending sharks when scientists had failed, Mr Tay snapped, “We know where they are. They are about to bite your arse off.”
Mr Tay claimed that the fin of a confirmed man eater would fetch $2 million American dollars at a top Singapore or Hong Kong restaurant, while the rest of the beast would be worth about nothing. “Actually it will cost us money,” said Mr Tay. It costs us 50c to throw the carcase over the side.”

man eaters

Not so tough now.