Killer Sharks Follow Jet Trails

An Edith Cowan University researcher claims that killer sharks follow a “chemical superhighway” laid down by high altitude jet contrails direct to Perth and Southwest Australian beaches.

Luke Tarrant, lecturer in surfing semiotics at ECU’s Bunbury campus told the Asia Beat, “Hundreds of domestic and International flights intersect the south coast near Esperance, a notorious shark attack nexus. Planes leaving for Bali and Singapore swing out straight out over Western suburbs beaches such as Cottesloe – another notorious shark attack centre. It doesn’t take a genius to put the facts together.”
Sharks have a super sensitive detection points along their bodies and can detect the contrail residue that falls into the sea at concentrations of less than 1 part per billion.”

A spokesperson for Edith Cowan claimed that Mr Tarrant was a only a sessional (part time) academic, and that his views were not shared by those on “permanent contracts.”

Asians offer to eat problem sharks

Western Australian Premier Colin Barnett is said to be considering an offer from an Asian seafood consortium to “find, kill and eat” dangerous sharks menacing swimmers and surfers off the coast.
With five fatal shark attacks in ten months, the government was apparently “willing to try anything”.
Tony Tay,  Head of 8 Add Lucky Seafood, a Singapore seafood wholesaler told The Asia Beat, “We will turn their man-eaters into eaten by man-ers.” When asked how they would find the offending sharks when scientists had failed, Mr Tay snapped, “We know where they are. They are about to bite your arse off.”
Mr Tay claimed that the fin of a confirmed man eater would fetch $2 million American dollars at a top Singapore or Hong Kong restaurant, while the rest of the beast would be worth about nothing. “Actually it will cost us money,” said Mr Tay. It costs us 50c to throw the carcase over the side.”

Not so tough now.