Tag Archives: singapore

Liquid food blogger enrages Sing. Chef

“Mushy Mushy”, the Asian food blogger, (real name Kimberly Li) has infuriated top Singapore chef Johnny Cho.

Li, who through a medical condition can only eat food in liquid form, travels with a blender, reducing meals to a paste or slurry, which she eats, then reviews on her popular blog.

Li described the liquefied version of Cho’s Shrimp Mince, Orange and Tomato Tart as “Like a stale prawn cracker milkshake.”

Cho immediately jumped online questioning Li’s ability to judge food – particularly multi textured dishes. “It’s completely outrageous. You can’t judge a dish like this. She’s an idiot. I tried to have her banned before. I thought I had stopped it all when I wouldn’t let her plug in her blender, but somehow she had a battery powered one made up with the motor from a leaf blower.” Cho’s first attack on Li was quickly removed, as the Chef had included almost a page of French obscenities (learned while he studied pastry in Switzerland apparently,), but copies are already circulating online. The redacted version still contained the phrase, “Mushy Mushy – Merde Merchant.”

The blogger responded to Cho’s criticism, saying “I didn’t need the solid version to tell that he’d completely burnt the garlic.”

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Cho’s tart before and after.

 

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Singapore admits, “National Service all about shooting Malaysians.”

Asia’s worst kept defence secret is finally out in the open, as a senior official admitted to journalists that Singapore’s compulsory military service (NS) was really only concerned with “shooting Malaysians.” Chan Chun Sing, the island’s Second Minister for Defence, said in an interview ostensibly concerned with his role in the Family Development ministry, said, “National Service is all about serving a higher purpose. And that higher purpose is shooting Malaysians if necessary. Who else are we going to shoot? Germans? LOL*

Relations between Singapore and Malaysia have traditionally been on a basis of mutual suspicion, reaching low points in 2010 when it was discovered in that groups of Malaysians had been urinating into Singapore’s drinking water imports for decades. Relations fell further that same year when Malaysia claim to have invented Singapore’s iconic drink the Singapore Sling.

A spokesperson for the Malaysian Defence ministry told the Asia Beat. “It’s not like we didn’t already know that.”

*Sing later claimed to have said “Lah” not “LOL”.ns45

Tiger Beer taste stops local drunkenness

Singapore. Asia Pacific Breweries today confirmed beerdom’s worst kept secret – that Tiger Beer’s insipd and slightly unpleasant taste is a deliberate ploy to discourage local Singaporeans from drinking. Asia Pacific’s marketing manager Larry Boon-Hin told The Asia Beat, “We were in a difficult position. The Singapore government wanted an iconic beer that would be drunk by foreigners but not the locals. They wanted to discourage their own people from “lazy, work shy drunkenness” , while still pulling in the high alcohol taxes from foreigners.”

In 2004 in desperation, the company turned to New Zealand brewers to help gradually remove the flavour from Tiger. They turned not to DB, (Brewers of Tui), in which they had just bought a stake, but to Dunedin’s Speights, which has a strong tradition of brewing tasteless insipid lagers to the present day.

“We wanted something worse than Fosters, and Speights brewers delivered in spades!” Boon-Hin said. “And the beauty is that Australians haven’t noticed the difference.”tiger2

Killer Sharks Follow Jet Trails

An Edith Cowan University researcher claims that killer sharks follow a “chemical superhighway” laid down by high altitude jet contrails direct to Perth and Southwest Australian beaches.

Luke Tarrant, lecturer in surfing semiotics at ECU’s Bunbury campus told the Asia Beat, “Hundreds of domestic and International flights intersect the south coast near Esperance, a notorious shark attack nexus. Planes leaving for Bali and Singapore swing out straight out over Western suburbs beaches such as Cottesloe – another notorious shark attack centre. It doesn’t take a genius to put the facts together.”
Sharks have a super sensitive detection points along their bodies and can detect the contrail residue that falls into the sea at concentrations of less than 1 part per billion.”

A spokesperson for Edith Cowan claimed that Mr Tarrant was a only a sessional (part time) academic, and that his views were not shared by those on “permanent contracts.”

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Changi Airport “Too interesting.” – Govt.

Singapore. The Singapore Government is considering forcing Changi Airport, one of the world’s biggest air hubs to become “less interesting”, as increasingly tourists are deciding to stay in the airport rather than brave Singapore’s humidity and supposedly petty laws. Singapore tourism’s Chief Executive Aw Kah Peng told The Asia Beat, “Singapore is much more than the airport. It is the world’s most interesting city. Therefore we are banning certain things from inside, to encourage tourists to visit “Real Singapore”.”

She listed numerous activities that would now only be found outside the airport. “You know that orange juice machine, that you can see the oranges come down automatically and be squeezed? That has gone. It’s not going to kill them to visit the Orange Julius in Orchard Rd.”

Also to be banned at the airport were the vibrating massage chairs and $21 pints of Carlsberg.

The Asia Beat. Singapore.

Yellow River

The Malaysian Government has confirmed that no charges will be laid against a man who for 20 years organised secret “urination parties” to the Johore River, near to the intakes for fresh water piped to Singapore.The man named in documents as Tiang Cheng, has been leading groups of up to 50 locals to the location, just upstream from the Johore reservoir, since 1990. Mr Cheng claims to have been inspired by hearing his father exclaim “This one’s for you Lee!” while relieving himself on the riverbank in the 1970′s. “I see it as a tribute to my father,” said Mr Cheng. “He was always against Singaporean arrogance.”

Although out of respect for his father, Mr Cheng always limits his action to urination, he claimed that some members of the group “used other methods.”

Khoo Teng Chye, Chief Executive of PUB, Singapore’s national water agency,said that most Singaporeans would not be surprised to hear of the practice, but should not be alarmed, as Malaysian water had always received “extra levels” of treatment.

Asia Beat 2010